Once there was a couple on a boat. they have being looking for a island for hours and hours they were hunger and firstly. An needed to go to the toilet and so they did not pack any food and they hardly even think about go to the toilet they had found a island and so they got to the island and so they step on and so people came over and said are you islander and if they weren't they would have to leave and so they said no and then he said leave and then he said no and then ran off to fair and had taking a dump and then he said i will go and then there was sharks around the boat and had broken the boat and then they had being trying to swim back to the island and then the people had got killed by the sharks.And so the mum and dad had being looking for the kids and they look for hours and hours and they saw the shark and went back to the sand and went back in the morning and had a spare and chuck the spare at the shark and killed it and the mum and dad went back home and was crying and wanted to have a other kid but the dad said no never again what we just we being through. THE END
By Rongotai
Wednesday, 22 May 2019
1 comment:
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Kia ora. I am Ellie from Gisborne Intermediate School.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story it was intresting and really caught my eyes and attention
I learnt that you well always have a intresting piece of drama even when you are out on the sea.
To improve your writing you could add some paragraphs so it brings the readers attention a bit more.
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Mā te wā
Ellie